I never used to look at a month and say I hate this particular month. I have never dreaded any time of the year because it had such unpleasant memories. However, this year I dreaded the month of July and almost had a foreboding feeling of doom to come.
Right on the first date of July I received news that my eldest sister Savior had been admitted to hospital after enduring a stroke. I had an impeding feeling because like many people have always told me the previous day I had been thinking about her all day long. I had bought her a dress and was wondering how I could ship it to her. Most times it is difficult because buying the dress is really cheapest part but the shipping is triple the cost of the dress. In that instance it defeats the purpose. The news of her being admitted in hospital devastated me. For some time I had this image of going home and having one more opportunity of reuniting all my siblings, nephews, and nieces and their children together in happier times. I have always pictured us having one huge family portrait . I started to wonder whether by the time I would have lost one of my siblings, and once again I would not be able to accompany her on her final journey home.
It was not at all surprising when my nephew went to the hospital and found that she was on oxygen. He is young and he thought probably it was negligence from the hospital but I prepared him for the worst. While my sane side told me the near was pending but other optimistic side was praying hard that what I was telling my nephew would not come to be. My prayers were in vain. Approximately three hours after that my sister passed away. I was devastated. I was alone, my home was closing on me, I could not breathe, I felt my own vulnerability, I was scared for myself than my sister because she had escaped this painful world.
I almost had a feeling before she was struck by the stroke my sister if could, she would have called me and we could have had our farewells. As it turns out my sister was hard of hearing and she had no speech, so even is she had thought of me, in her final hours, she could not have called me. I felt so bad I had not asked after her in a long time. Somehow, I have this connection with people before they pass on that I am almost afraid to admit to myself let alone reveal to my family and friends. In that moment and at that particular time I wanted to be home and to be with my siblings and family members more than ever.
I tried to go the bank and while driving I could not figure out where I was or where I was going. I was in shock, and I pulled to the side. I had a good cry all by myself. I needed to do that before I could pretend all was in order no I was hurting because I would never see my sister again. After about 30 minutes by the side of the road the cry cleared my mind a little. I was able to drive. I needed to sent money to help defray the funeral expenses.
I lost my dad on July 9 2005. I was home, I was able to share his journey to the end. However, I lost my younger brother Fortunate exactly two year late on the same date. Unfortunately I was not able to go home and accompany him on his final journey home destroys my heart even today five years later.
On July 21, I lost my niece Nyarai. The news was through a chat with my nephew Basil. I could not believe because I had not heard about her illness. The thing that got me the most is that she died in her sleep. Honestly Nyarai was eldest brother's daughter, and she was a free spirit. I still picture her and all my interactions with her all I recall are her smiles. Why do good people die young?
The blessing that I have in the month of July s that my youngest daughter Trish was born on July 24. I love and hate the month of July. Love it because I was given one of my most precious gifts, my youngest daughter who has given me so much joy. Hate it because so many of my loved ones were promoted to glory in the same month. I will not dread the coming of July as I know I have memories of my loved ones to celebrate. I have been blessed to have been enriched by their time in this world. May their souls rest in peace and may I continue to have more blessings like Trish, Thandiwe, Sheona, Sheilla, and Entashia, all were born in July. I have a mixed bag of blessings in the month of July.
