Life is a journey

The first and last time I blogged about anything was this year on father's day. I realize it has almost been two weeks I have not been back to my blog. That day I was desolate, I was missing my father and all he represented in my life as his daughter. Today memories and sense of loss hit me hard and I find I also miss Noel's wife my mother Selina.

It has been several years now and I since have been working on my personal memoir. Today was another extremely difficult  day because I was working on a chapter where I revisited my mother's death. Selina passed away on April 3 in Zimbabwean dates and April 2 2002, in American dates. I had last seen my mother my mother on August 11 2000. All the time of my tumultos marriage my mother had encouraged me to leave him. I never thought I could leave him because I did not think that on my own I would ever make it with five children.

I realized as I was writing that I finally left because everyday I heard my mother's voice believing in me and hoping I would stop the abuse by leaving and not stopping it (the abuse) because I was dead. I thought I would share my thoughts with all those who had their mothers encourage them to leave abusive partners rather than do the traditional and encourage their daughters to stay. My mother never encouraged me to stay. She always told us (her daughters) we could afford to take of our families as we were working women, and needed not to endure abuse, like women from her era. This a tribute to my mother Amai Selina Mutopo.Remember life is a journey, you had to travel before you could leave!

Amai! Mother

I made it Amai
I survived my husband’s abuse
And I am making it alone
As a survivor of his multiple domestic abuse
But I am never alone Amai

I made it Amai
I survived all the traumas  
Meted on me over and over
As he pummelled my body and soul
Which he never could have control Amai

Thank you Amai
For letting me know that
I did not have to die first
Before the domestic violence could stop
For in leaving him it stopped Amai

It was your voice Amai
That kept telling me
I could always do better;
Even when you were gone,
Spiritually you were with me Amai

I did not disappoint you Amai
I kept your voice within me
And you continued to inspire me
Even from far beyond
I could hear your gentle voice Amai

You can rest in peace Amai
As I always listened to you as a child
I heard your voice as an adult
I finally left with my life
And I can live as my own adult Amai

Thank you, Thank you Amai!

Venture

I am trying to start a blog but like all things new I am afraid people may not visit my blog. I have nothing in partiicular to share but the trials and tribulations of my everyday life.

Today especially has been a good day. I woke up to the realization that it was Father's day. My own father passed away almost six years ago. I am so happy he was a huge presence in my upbringing, an influence in my decisions, and an inspiration to all that I became. Today I know he is missed by all his of his 10 existing offspring. I know so because of the bond he created among us as we grew.

 I called my children to find out whether they had called their father to wish him happy father's day. I was saddened when one of them told me it is a different kind of father daughter-relationship. My eldest daughter told me she had wished him a happy father's day.My youngest daughter told me she did not even know that it was father's day. Why oh why could I not have chosen a better father for my children, a man like my father, who nurthured not only us his children but his nephews, nieces and a whole tribe of relatives. My ex-husband I have been seperated now for close to six years. The irony is I lost my father close to the time my marriage crumbled. Do you now see why my spirit was engulfed in sadness on a day others a happy with their families.

My hope and wish is my sons will be the best fathers to their children and will always be present in their lives. I want them to be involved in their children's lives and hopefully never abuse their wives, and any other human being they come across in life. I am lucky my son-in-law is a living example of what fathers do with their children. He is always busy with his young son and infant daughter. I hope it will always be that way.

I will keep you informed of my struggles and success as I build on this blog. All your honest and kind comments will be appreciated.