Busy Life

I guess in life we can never be really content with what we have. Last year I was basically idle and besides volunteering in my community I did not do anything really productive. It was the only year ever in my life as an adult that I was not juggling one or two jobs, or going to school, taking care of family or extended family. Yet I was not happy. I started my blog so as to pass time, and wished I could have something to do. I turned to eating as a way of passing time and entertaining myself as a result I put on a lot of weight and pushed my cholesterol levels up. Yet when I worked two or three jobs I wished I could just find one day to myself!

This academic year started on a different note altogether. I am back in school where I am torturing myself with bio stats or bio stats is torturing me. I am spending hours on my dining table trying to figure out the probability, to calculate the f test, to fail to reject the null hypothesis or reject the hypothesis, trying to calculate the degree of freedom, the confidence interval, and find what the critical value is, whether I use a two tail test or one tail test, to figure out if variances are equal whether I fail to reject or I reject the null hypothesis. You see how I am being tortured by bio stats and I am torturing them in return.

In another class I am reading about the spread of disease and about public health. I am learning about mortality and morbidity. I am learning about person years, incidence, prevalence, risk, and odds ratio, cohorts, case studies, experiments, placebos, what the heck! Sometimes I forget to eat because I am so engrossed in my work until I find myself having dizzy spells and I realize the engine is empty. So who will study what the cause of my death was? They might attribute it to Salmonella that was in the egg I had for breakfast, to Listeria in my favorite cantaloupe, caused my heart failure due to stress, no, no, I forgot to eat!

I have no time to be idle, or time to write on my blog anymore. Though I am happy I am not content because I do not get to do all I wish I could do in a day. Tatiana the other day threw a tantrum because I had not talked to her in days. Tao and Tana I have now missed them for weeks yet I used to speak to them on a daily basis. Trish leaves messages and says "Mother where are you?" Joy said "my lucky day" because she had not seen me on line for so long yet I used to chat with her almost everyday, now I am scarce even to my own children. My friends tell me they hardly recognize my voice anymore. Well I am busy but I did not say I am content. I enjoy what I am doing but, now I miss all the other things I used to do when I was not working.

I have to learn that in life you cannot have everything. That's why they say you win some and you lose some.
To be content is to believe everything is alright and there is never a time when everything is alright. I love you all and I promise it will get better!