I am not sure how many times in my primary school teaching years I encouraged my students by telling them try, try, try again. If at first you do not succeed try, try, try again! Simply said but not easy to do! I had almost forgotten about it until last night.
I am not a numbers person and last time I wrote how I felt like I am being a glutton for punishment, it is because I never give up without fighting or trying per se.
Last night I went to bed after 3 am. I had been struggling with the golden rule of stats, the probability, the 2x2 table in stats. No matter how much I told myself I could do it I was almost giving up, however last night I accomplished it.
I worked on my 2x2 tables, on the probability questions, and the golden rule of solving problems in public health. I was almost giving up when I convinced myself to try once more. When I got one right, and the next and the next I did not want to stop.
I wonder why we give up before we even try. I now believe I can do it, if others can do it, so can I.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Glutton for punishment
I used to think I was a glutton for punishment for all the harsh and cruel things I put up with in life as a married woman. I held on to a one-sided marriage for more than 27 years. My marriage was filled with abuse, disrespect, infidelity, violence in every aspect I can think of, but for 27 years I put up with it. Maybe, It was all the fights that brought out the best in me and made me just go for the sky and know that the sky was the limit. Now I am subjecting myself to worse punishments willingly because I just happen to love life and intigued by what makes people ill and what can be done to control the spread of disease. Maybe now I am a glutton with a purpose.
I started improving myself academically when I was in my late 30s. At times I wondered whether I would make it or not, but I proved I had the intelligence to hang with the best in the world. However, it seems I have not learned when to stop. I earned my doctorate about six years ago. However, my heart is no longer in education. I conducted my research in health education. Thats when I realized that I needed to go in different direction all together with my career. My research was on the perceptions of leadership in HIV education in secondary schools. After condution my interviews with focus groups in schools I realized that was what I wanted to do. I will never forget the voices of the children I talked to in all the schools I went to. I will never forget the faces of all relatives and friends I have lost to HIV. I will never forget the trauma inflicted on the relatives left behind, maybe thats why I am a glutton for punishment and even consider taking STATISTICS!
There was this urge in me that I could change the lives of people in my country especially of the youths who told me that by they time they learned about protection in sexual intimacy most times they would have been intimate with someone without protection. No matter what people think about my culture, some think we are too promiscous but the problem is we are too closed or too conservative. We do not talk about sex, period. We always assume that kids will supress their sexual feelings until they are ready for marriage which I know is just wishful thinking. The youth have raging hormones and adults in their lives simply pretend the youth will get over them, or they will be able to control their emotions.
How can they? They need people who are committed to actually step out of the box and start talking about the unmentionables of life. They need adults who can dare challenge traditional norms and values and be responsible to teach youth about the facts of life. Not only youth need to be taught about the pandemic but all adults whether male or female they need to be taught about sexual responsibility. In Zimbabwe one in every four adults are HIV positive. Those are basic statistics, which are scaring. These basics numbers do not need anyone to calculate how the disease is spread, what the rate of incidence is, or what the prevalence rate is.
The other day I was researching the Spanish Flu of 1918 and realized that investigators are having to go back decades now to tell how ravaged Africa was by the flu. That intrigues me. HIV is now, it is threatening many people's lives, it has affected many people's lives, and it will affect many people's lives. I want to be able to say I played my part. I have always had questions about why certain diseases happen and are eradicated and yet others have been lying dormant like HIV possibly for years centuries then suddenly HIV just peaked from the 1980's and trends show it has not been deteriorating at all. As responsible people I feel we all need to able to play a part to curtail the spread of this disease, that's why I am going back to school at my age again to torture my mind with STATISTICS!
I always had a phobia for numbers, let alone crunching them into meaningful statistics that can be interpreted to some meaningful and intelligent data and can be interpreted by anyone in the world, then be used to prevent the same from happening in later generations. I decided to go back to school again this year and I am changing my career path in my fifties! I want work in public health. I want to understand how disease is spread and how it can be prevented. My nemesis was not the learning of theories because I have learned many theories. My fear was STATISTICS! During my first class I was wondering whether I was a glutton for punishment. However, I realize I am not that at all but I am passionate about life, and all my life I have always done things to serve my community. For I have never said I can not it, I always say if others can do it so can I. I have always pushed my self to know that the sky is the limit, and if it is in my heart I can accomplish it.
I started improving myself academically when I was in my late 30s. At times I wondered whether I would make it or not, but I proved I had the intelligence to hang with the best in the world. However, it seems I have not learned when to stop. I earned my doctorate about six years ago. However, my heart is no longer in education. I conducted my research in health education. Thats when I realized that I needed to go in different direction all together with my career. My research was on the perceptions of leadership in HIV education in secondary schools. After condution my interviews with focus groups in schools I realized that was what I wanted to do. I will never forget the voices of the children I talked to in all the schools I went to. I will never forget the faces of all relatives and friends I have lost to HIV. I will never forget the trauma inflicted on the relatives left behind, maybe thats why I am a glutton for punishment and even consider taking STATISTICS!
There was this urge in me that I could change the lives of people in my country especially of the youths who told me that by they time they learned about protection in sexual intimacy most times they would have been intimate with someone without protection. No matter what people think about my culture, some think we are too promiscous but the problem is we are too closed or too conservative. We do not talk about sex, period. We always assume that kids will supress their sexual feelings until they are ready for marriage which I know is just wishful thinking. The youth have raging hormones and adults in their lives simply pretend the youth will get over them, or they will be able to control their emotions.
How can they? They need people who are committed to actually step out of the box and start talking about the unmentionables of life. They need adults who can dare challenge traditional norms and values and be responsible to teach youth about the facts of life. Not only youth need to be taught about the pandemic but all adults whether male or female they need to be taught about sexual responsibility. In Zimbabwe one in every four adults are HIV positive. Those are basic statistics, which are scaring. These basics numbers do not need anyone to calculate how the disease is spread, what the rate of incidence is, or what the prevalence rate is.
The other day I was researching the Spanish Flu of 1918 and realized that investigators are having to go back decades now to tell how ravaged Africa was by the flu. That intrigues me. HIV is now, it is threatening many people's lives, it has affected many people's lives, and it will affect many people's lives. I want to be able to say I played my part. I have always had questions about why certain diseases happen and are eradicated and yet others have been lying dormant like HIV possibly for years centuries then suddenly HIV just peaked from the 1980's and trends show it has not been deteriorating at all. As responsible people I feel we all need to able to play a part to curtail the spread of this disease, that's why I am going back to school at my age again to torture my mind with STATISTICS!
I always had a phobia for numbers, let alone crunching them into meaningful statistics that can be interpreted to some meaningful and intelligent data and can be interpreted by anyone in the world, then be used to prevent the same from happening in later generations. I decided to go back to school again this year and I am changing my career path in my fifties! I want work in public health. I want to understand how disease is spread and how it can be prevented. My nemesis was not the learning of theories because I have learned many theories. My fear was STATISTICS! During my first class I was wondering whether I was a glutton for punishment. However, I realize I am not that at all but I am passionate about life, and all my life I have always done things to serve my community. For I have never said I can not it, I always say if others can do it so can I. I have always pushed my self to know that the sky is the limit, and if it is in my heart I can accomplish it.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Life with its twists and turns
Life is full of surprises with all its twists and turns. I have just spent the first week living on my own in my two bedroomed duplex! I got to spend my labor day weekend not laboring for anyone but myself. I also enjoyed the company of a friend who was kind enough to invite me over to her place and we shared our life stories. The story of a woman that is almost similar no matter where you come from in the world. Once you become a mother you cease being selfish and carter to the needs of the children whom you innocently brought in to the world. We got to discuss about letting go of the apron strings, but how can a mother do that when that child is flesh of your own flesh and blood of your own blood? Letting go does not matter whether he/she is going a mile away or a thousand miles away. They steal our hearts when they are born, and they hold our hearts to ransom until we die. We bring them up in the best way and pray they will always remember the life lessons given. White, black, yellow, or brown, mothers the world over as I have learned to appreciate with age are the hands that truly rock the cradle with love in every wave.
Though I have physically stopped washing and cooking for my children on a daily basis everyday I wonder what they had for their meals, whether their clothes are clean, whether they miss me as much as I miss them. Once a mother always a mother no matter how old the children are a day, two months, two years, 16, 26, 56 or 90 years old! I sensed the same in my friend who had sent her 20 year old son to military school and she kept checking her email for a loving word even though it had barely been hours and he had gone barely a couple hundred miles away. I experienced the same when I sent my first born son thousands of miles to a new world. As such I understood how she felt and just wanted to be there for her and let her know in a special way that I understood her pain. Everyone born of a woman is blessed because they have the angels to call mother! So we are all lucky because we came from women! I achingly miss my own mother basically everyday! I wish I had shown her more patience and love while I had that angel to hold my hand as I matured.
How do I like being on my own? Of course I like it because I get to do what I want, when I want. I get to eat or sleep when I want and not walk on tiptoes because I might work someone up in the next room. I get to go to the bathroom with my door open, who cares, I am all by myself. However, my home feels so empty without anyone to share in laughs and sorrows on a daily basis! Those giggles that I still hear loudly today as though the kids are just in the next room and it feels like yesterday that they were all babies, but now they have flown away from the nest!
Some of the freedoms I never used to have when I lived with my children or when I had a roommate! I can get to sleep with my TV on all night long watching tennis who cares as long as I am there by myself. However, it is not the same as watching Alex Trebek on jeopardy every evening as we shout the answers as we try to outsmart each other. I miss you all my children, nephews, nieces, cousins, whatever relationship we have, and wherever you are or might be today, for you were all born of a woman like me! Your mother loves you!
Though I have physically stopped washing and cooking for my children on a daily basis everyday I wonder what they had for their meals, whether their clothes are clean, whether they miss me as much as I miss them. Once a mother always a mother no matter how old the children are a day, two months, two years, 16, 26, 56 or 90 years old! I sensed the same in my friend who had sent her 20 year old son to military school and she kept checking her email for a loving word even though it had barely been hours and he had gone barely a couple hundred miles away. I experienced the same when I sent my first born son thousands of miles to a new world. As such I understood how she felt and just wanted to be there for her and let her know in a special way that I understood her pain. Everyone born of a woman is blessed because they have the angels to call mother! So we are all lucky because we came from women! I achingly miss my own mother basically everyday! I wish I had shown her more patience and love while I had that angel to hold my hand as I matured.
How do I like being on my own? Of course I like it because I get to do what I want, when I want. I get to eat or sleep when I want and not walk on tiptoes because I might work someone up in the next room. I get to go to the bathroom with my door open, who cares, I am all by myself. However, my home feels so empty without anyone to share in laughs and sorrows on a daily basis! Those giggles that I still hear loudly today as though the kids are just in the next room and it feels like yesterday that they were all babies, but now they have flown away from the nest!
Some of the freedoms I never used to have when I lived with my children or when I had a roommate! I can get to sleep with my TV on all night long watching tennis who cares as long as I am there by myself. However, it is not the same as watching Alex Trebek on jeopardy every evening as we shout the answers as we try to outsmart each other. I miss you all my children, nephews, nieces, cousins, whatever relationship we have, and wherever you are or might be today, for you were all born of a woman like me! Your mother loves you!
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