Giving Life a Second Chance

Several days have passed and I have not been to my blog. However, today I woke up from a hopeful dream. In my dream I had been sweeping my apartment, and had all the trash taken out. Suddenly, I woke up and realized that I have been stuck in all the gabbage of my married life. I had not been able to move on. I had outwardly healed in many ways from the hurt of my last marriage, and the infidelities that came with it, but somehow inwardly I remained stuck in that period and time. I could not move on with my life as I wanted to. It was like all the gabbage from that era clattered my vision and I could not move on. Though I have forgiven my ex-husband for his misdeeds but I honestly do not feel like I had truly forgiven myself for subjecting myself to that humiliation for years on end.

I tried to find healing in speaking to women organizations on domestic violence but each time brought raw emotions. I could never finish what I intended to share with them. I became an emotional wreck. I judged myself too harshly and questioned why I felt I could be an expert and speak to others when I  had lived with abuse close to 30 years. I knew it was water under the bridge but I always wished I could go back and undo the hrt, the pain, and the humiliation.

Yesterday I sat down with a complete stranger, and I poured my heart out to her. She commforted me as I shared. At the end of our heart to heart she told me to forgive myself, because it appeared as I was too harsh against myself. I had failed to see it like that. I continued to think about her observation as I watched tennis on TV and realized from 2006 it appears I have been stuck and not moving forward. I failed to completely see that I could not account for someone's behaviors but my own. I honestly thank my 'friend' for making me realize what was staring me in my eyes.

Yesterday also marked another milestone in my life. I have decided to change my career path and will be moving into public health. It was my orientation day, and I met new people. I was surrounded by such posititve energy all day long. I was able to see all the good and the living I still have in me. For the first time I was able to look at the length of my abusive marriage  and admit to myself that I had not moved on instead of constantly questioning what I could have done differently. By the time I met with my 'friend' I was able to articulate all the misforgiving I had against myself. I realized that's why I had not been able to move on. I had forgiven everyone else but myself.

Symbolically in my sleep I was able to sweep all the dirt from my house which I feel represents my heart. When I woke up that dream was vivid, and I knew I had mentally taken the last step in my transition in life. I have swept out all the hurt, the torture, the pain, the hatred, the anger, and the questioning of my own role.

I want to embark on this phase of my life with a clean slate. I am willing to open my heart again to love life and new opportunities. I am willing not to judge people according to what my ex did to me. I am willing to embark on this new phase with no misgivings, and give life a second chance. I have swept all the dirt and gabbage from my inner being.

AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL INTRODUCTION OF DR. ROSEMARY MUSANDIPA

My name is Doctor Rosemary Musandipa nee Musoko. I am the fourth born of my father and mother in a family of nine children (four boys and five girls). I was born of a polygamous father who had fourteen children in total, ultimately I am the eighth born in that big family. I grew up in colonial Rhodesia, where women and girls counted for nothing except to bear children, do the housework, and work the fields.  One thing certain is I grew up surrounded and sheltered by the love of my parents, my grandmother, my siblings, and all adults in my village of Musoko in Seke, in the district of Goromonzi in the then Rhodesia now Zimbabwe. The memories of my early childhood education are that it took place in my grandmother’s hut in the evenings whilst shelling corn, peanuts, pounding corn for mealie-meal, or grinding peanut butter, or just listening to the tales of the adults while sitting by the warm evening fire. The adult women in my life would take turns to tell us a story every evening with some moral lesson or value, all the while we would be working. This made our chores seem more like fun, light, in the form of child play yet, at the same time gave us valuable lifelong lessons.

My primary education was at Marikopo Primary School, my local Salvation Army village school from Sub-Standard A then up to Standard Six. During this time (1962-1969) all my teachers were males except for one year in Standard Four in 1967 when a female taught me. I attribute my basic female education to my mother, my grandmother and women from my village. Mostly it consisted of personal hygiene, how to care for my home, become a good wife, basically all the traditional female submissive duties. For my two years of secondary education I attended Howard Secondary School, another Salvation Army institute, most of my teachers were males (mostly missionaries) except for my Math teacher who was a female Canadian Salvation Army Officer. That was instrumental in shaping me as a strong woman of faith, nurtured my curiosity to learn, while becoming an avid reader, but also still questioned my position in a world that did not nurture me as a complete human being because I was female. After those two years in secondary school I prematurely trained for three years to be a primary school teacher at the same institution. My father could no longer afford my secondary education as he had a huge family to educate, clothe, and feed. As a result, I started teaching from the time I was 18 up to the age of 35 when I decided to advance myself academically. I enrolled with Cambridge so that I could complete my high school certification. All I needed to do was pass five O’level subjects including English. At the end of 1989 I met with such success that I decided to go further. In 1993 I sat my two A-level exams and passed again with flying colors. However, I could not go further as by 1993 my then husband was unemployed. Early 1994 he was living and working abroad so I shelved my own educational plans to provide a stable home for our five growing children. By the end of 1996 he was back in Zimbabwe and I resuscitated my quest to have a college degree. Early 1997 I was accepted by the University of Zimbabwe and enrolled in the Educational Administrative bachelor’s degree. Needless to say with my first degree I saw the sky only as the limit to what I could achieve as well as broaden my children’s horizons in the process. After my first degree things were no longer the same politically, economically and socially in Zimbabwe. Many changes were taking place and I did not want to be left behind. I decided to further advance myself academically and migrated to the United States for my Master’s Degree in Educational Administration.

Additional background information would suffice here. I got married in the year 1977 and my eldest son was born towards the end of that year followed by four more siblings (a boy and three girls), born in 1980, 1983, 1985, and 1986 (notice that in less than 10 years I had five children!). My maternal goal was to have my children before I turned 30 years of age and that was realized a few months after I turned 31 when I gave birth to my fifth and last born in November of 1986. My children are by now young adults who are either still doing their first degrees or completing, or getting married. The transition from Zimbabwe to the United States had been a great challenge to my career ambitions and personal relationship with my children. Initially I was forced to leave my four younger children in Zimbabwe, but am happy that we were reunited in less than two years and soon after I became their primary provider, due to the disintegration of our 27 year old marriage with their father. That is another book on its own and will not delve into that aspect of my life in this introduction.   

The early years of my life were happy (though riddled by poverty) in the plains of the rural areas of central Zimbabwe. My secondary and teacher-training years were carefree years spent ensconced in the mountains of Chiweshe in a missionary school to the north of Zimbabwe. Most of my life as a career married woman and mother were spent in different environments varying from rural, urban, semi-urban, to farming and mining communities. I have vivid memories on how people in Zimbabwe (both urban and rural communities) survive the cruel and harsh realities of life. People in Zimbabwe survived the colonial era, the many droughts that increased economic hardships, the liberation war (to which I lost my eldest brother-Rhoderick), and the early civil war after independence, but nothing had prepared us for the unforeseeable turmoil of the HIV/AIDS pandemic from the mid 1980s onward. I am not sure how many family members I have personally lost to this pandemic as well as young students and teachers that I taught and worked with. All I know is I was affected adversely on personal, professional, and social levels in unparalleled ways.

In all my first years as a teacher I believed in changing the lives of the students I taught. I worked in various capacities, as a class teacher, senior teacher, teacher-in- charge of the infant department, and finally as a school head. I enjoyed a lot of fulfillment every year just seeing my kids advance to the next level and most of all seeing them develop abilities to read, write, and enumerate, whilst developing into full fledged and engaged citizens. At the dawn of our independence in 1980 we enjoyed an influx of students into the education system with the introduction of free primary education. Many countries funded a lot of initiatives in the new nation, but the Lancaster House agreement of 1979 recommended lots of changes at the end of the decade.  However, by the mid 1990s at the recommendation of the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund (IMF) the implementation of the economic structural adjustment programs (ESAP) derailed the good results of our brief political and educational independence, as we were not economically independent yet.

At the same time many nations internationally were starting to cope with the identification and onslaught of HIV/AIDS, and Zimbabwe was among them. ESAP probably contributing more to the hardships of most Zimbabweans, and the continued years of failed rains contributed to the economic turmoil. Adding to an already struggling national development were the harsh realities of unstable politics that led to the demobilization of the Zimbabwe liberation fighters getting thousands of unbudgeted bonuses as well as our unplanned participation in a war that I never understood of the Democratic Republic of Congo in 1997. I contend these took an insurmountable toll on our economy as our president at times made overnight excutive decisions by himself.

Working with students from the mid 1990s became a struggle as schools were losing girls not only because of the economic hardships of ESAP but also to the HIV/AIDS epidemic which was primarily affecting their parents and guardinas. Girls were dropping out of school to care for their ailing parents and orphaned younger siblings or members of their extended families. By the late 1990s girls themselves were beginning to fall victims to the HIV/AIDS epidemic. From that time as an educational leader in Zimbabwe I was affected terribly. To cope I started started looking for a paradigm that could help me inject some desired change in behaviors, attitudes, and lives of students that I came into contact with on a daily basis as well as the young inexperienced teachers straight from training colleges.

I so much wanted to make sure that youths changed their sexual behaviors, social interactions, their values, and their attitudes on how they related as males and females. Undeniably HIV/AIDS is a widely stigmatized disease. It was not easy for me to simply accept and never discuss these important issues with neither students nor teachers. On a personal level I was very conflicted. I started questioning a lot of things I had merely taken for granted. I felt I needed a paradigm to guide my beliefs and philosophy in teaching. Personally, a paradigm involves how we see things; for instance, when something ends, something else begins, so endings are beginnings and beginnings are endings. This to me translated into the need to start involving youths as active members of their educational processes and that meant the end of viewing students as just passive consumers of education, but also making the milestone of students becoming active consumers of education. My view was based on the understanding that they were the ones growing up in a world affected and forever changed by HIV; as such they needed to be actively involved.

First and foremost I knew educational administrators needed to identify young children’s needs regarding HIV/AIDS prevention and how to translate needs into significant actions. As I considered and still consider myself to be an educational advocate for young people I perceive all successful advocates as being able to identify a paradigm in the context of a statement or discussion and use it to reinforce or change an opinion/s. As a result my idea to actively involve students in HIV/AIDS prevention was born that early on in the mid 1990s.

For me recognizing the difference between need and action is the most common paradigm to use to initiate advocacy for an idea, or procedure. I strongly feel that the discrepancy between (policy) what should be and what is practiced (action) to arrive at an intended outcome is fundamental to artful and successful advocacy. In pursuit of realizing this goal I realized my personal shortfalls as an educational administrator hence my journey all the way to America to work with the educators who unbeknown to them had taught me at a distance. Educators such as Sergiovanni, Taylor, Fulani, Cohen and many others were instrumental in my aspiring to study abroad. I knew, therefore, I had to change myself before I could expect to be able to influence others to change. Thus, upon this paradigm I based my quest to advance academically, and to ultimately engage in educational research, in order to argue academically and knowledgeably for my beliefs in HIV/AIDS prevention, for all people and the under privileged learners I taught.

There are some desired behaviors expected of the youth in order to control the spread of HIV/AIDS, and if educational leaders do not act on these desired outcomes then the needs of the youth would always remain as needs until actions are implemented. Bearing in mind my paradigm that if HIV/AIDS prevention education was to become effective something else has to end in order for something new to begin. People’s ‘normal’ attitudes, cultures, values, skills and knowledge, therefore, have to be flexible. I strongly believed for people to deal with the HIV/AIDS menace in a way that addresses the needs of modern day youths especially those born in the era defined and forever changed by HIV/AIDS people have to respond accordingly. Many people’s lives are being put into risk because leaders continue to hold on to morals, values, and traditional attitudes that are rigid when it comes to discussions on sex and sexuality. As educational administrators seem not recognize the incredible threats and pressures that today’s youth are growing under, that they are exposed to through the media, the movies, social media, technology, peer pressures, and cultural superimpositions. These are real concerns in today’s youths that people of my generation never dealt with while growing up.

Aadmittedly today’s administrators are faced with the dilemma of whether to do what is morally right or what is humanely acceptable. Administrators are expected to offer high quality learning to a larger, more diverse and dispersed student population than ever before, yet at the same time continue to hold on to values, and morals of people who were never faced with the threats that today’s youth are confronted with. Arming and teaching youths how to deal with their sex and sexuality does not encourage them to indulge in fact it should be perceived as empowering and educating them according to their present day needs. They need skills to be able to make decisions without fear, stigma, discrimination, moral obligations but with the ability to do what is right for them. Only when educational administrators as leaders are able to translate needs into actions can leaders meet the needs of today’s youths proactively.

Granted that today's youths will be tomorrow’s leaders and are occupying leadership positions left vacant by their parents and guardians in their lives why should educational, political, and religious leaderships continue to hold on to policies and values that subject today’s youths to moral obligations without acknowledging that these youths need life skills and knowledge to survive the harsh environments that surround them today. They need to be able to make decisions as whether to use or not to use protection, to make decisions of being faithful or not, and as well as to say ‘no’, and have the word ‘no’ respected for what it implies, and respect each other in their relationships. They need to have choices and not just follow directions like sheep to the slaughter.  

Political, educational, and religious administrators need to realize that without followers they cannot be

leaders, therefore, incorporating the ideas of followers into HIV/AIDS prevention strategies should be viewed

 as complementary to both leaders and followers. Youths have a personal responsibility to respond to the

challenges of HIV/AIDS, in their personal lives and by setting examples to their peers. They are the ones

most vulnerable because they are in the defenseless and romantic stages where they look at life through rose

tinted glasses, youths do not know the risks of HIV/AIDS, but can be very effective agents of change as they

have very minimal inhibitions.

Unless educational administrators, educators, and students regard themselves as affected by the HIV/AIDS pandemic, and acknowledge that there is a possibility that they themselves or a loved one might become infected at any time, research might bring as many recommendations that might not become actions. Students must be valued as a resource in and of themselves, and as crucial allies in the common struggle to overcome and finally eradicate HIV/AIDS. There is a strong need to work together with them to overcome the threats posed by the HIV/AIDS pandemic on their and more approaching generations.

Hopefully this little passionate passage enlightens you on why I personally feel I should play an active role in HIV/AIDS administration and carry the responsibility of preserving today’s youth our tomorrow’s leaders.

Ambivalent feelings of HAPPINESS and SADNESS

Such ambivalent feelings of happiness and sadness at the same time. On one hand I feel elated, happy, light, free, and expectant as I have just submitted my first manuscript of my first book today for review with a publishing company. On the other hand I feel sad, loss, deep sorrow, concerned, tense and unsure of what is about to happen. I feel as though I have lost my long time friend. I have been working on this manuscript for more than four years now. I never thought a day would come when I would actually submitthe manuscript to total strangers and trust them to review and publish the story of my life.

Some may be wondering why I decided to write the story of my life down. Well, because it has all the ingredients that you can expect from someone who was born of a polygamous father, an illiterate mother, in a colonized country, and lived with an abusive husband for more than two decades. My autobiograph is the only chronicle that can make you understand that some of us are born under abject poverty, but we refuse to succumb to the negative aspects of our lives but call on all the reserves of resilience we have for survival.

I am not trying to convince you to read my book but I know when you get hold of it when eventually it is publish it you will enjoy the emotional rollercoaster with me. I lived for 27 years with my ex-husband who abused me physically, emotionally, and economically. I was an educated woman but abuse knows no educational levels, no racial lines, no class, no religious background, has no geographical limitations, nor does it know any sexual orientations. my story is your story, my abuse is your abuse, my liberation is your liberation.

Watch out this blog and read about how this African woman liberated herself from an abusive union. It have taken long but I am happy I did not have to die to make the abuse stop!

Lifestyle Changes

Two months ago on May 20^th I visited with my primary care physician just for routine check up. I knew I had gained weight up to 198 pounds in the last 10 months but I was in total denial. Most of my pants and skirts could hardly fit me and I kept explaining things away to myself and denying the obvious. It started with my tights not going past my knees, and I attributed that shrinking due to the excessive heat of the drier on the nylons. Next were my skirts and pants which were no longer zipping up and told I myself it was the cheap material. When next I went for a walk and I was out of breath after ten minutes and my thighs were itching I was convinced it was because it was still too cold to be outside walking. I could neither admit to myself that I was neglecting my health nor see what was glaring blankly at me; my weight had skyrocketed to levels I had never experienced before!

Eventually, on May 20 2011, I had to confront the truth. In my doctors office I tipped the scale at 198 pounds again. I had been weighing pretty much the same on my bathroom scale. Rather than admit that I was becoming obese I dismissed it and told myself the scale was broken somewhere. However, in my doctor’s office I knew I had to finally look at my self in the mirror and admit the truth of my overweight issue. On May 24, my provider called with my test results. I routinely have blood work for my cholestrol, and blood sugar levels. She expressed concern about my cholestrol levels. I tought I heard wrong. How had I gone from a normal range to 246 all in less than a year? I was disgusted at myself. I heard the concern in her voice, but had not expected the drastic measures she would impose. My way of nourishing my body had changed for the worse within a year as such, she felt drastic measures were necessary. I could not believe I had done that to myself through what I put into my own mouth. I tried to convince my primary care provider that I did not need any prescribed medications, and stressed I would change my diet. She would not hear me out; instead she gave me a prescription to lower my bad cholestrol! I was flabbergasted with my self. I did not need all these pills to help me control what I thought I could control through sheer willpower.

In fact I had not been abusing food by myself alone. I love beef jerky and each time any of my five kids came to visit me they would bring me lots of beef jerkys. They were aiding me in feeding my bad eating habits. Even my oldest daughter, who lives in the United Kingdom, occasionally mailed me packages of beef jerkys. Instead of me eating them sensibly as snacks should be enjoyed, I would binge on the beef jerks as though I was satisfying an all time high addiction. Whenever, I had some beef jerks in my home, I would not take a break from chewing until all was safely stored away in my belly. I fed my bad habit aided by my loving children unknowingly! It was no surprise that my cholestrol level was raised to such high numbers and out of control.

With my cholestrol level looming at 246, my provider recommended I started on medication immediately. I had not made wise choices where food consumption was concerned. My intake of all animal flesh had gone up considerably in the last 10 months. I enjoyed my bacon, my pork and beef ribs, I loved my oxtail, and my t-bone steak and to add icing on the cake I had suddenly become a couch potato. The results of my idleness and my eating habits were immediately reflected in my cholestrol levels and increased body weight. To make matters worse in my family there is a history of diabetes and high blood pressure. I knew the risks I was taking with the added weight and I could not afford adding high cholestrol into the mix. I knew one thing could lead to another consequently; it was high time I changed my habits.  

I had spent Memorial Day weekend with my family in West Virginia, guiltily binging on the beef jerky which by now my daughter Trish had a dehydrator to make it within four hours. I put on a happy face but inwardly I was dying. I looked forward to going home and implement some changes. As soon as I got home in Toledo Ohio it was time for a drastic change in my diet. I threw away my big jar of I cannot believe its not butter, I got rid of all the pork ribs in my refregirator, I got rid of the oxtail that I love so much, I got rid of all the Italian sausages I liked for breakfast and trashed the bacon.

I started having my cereal with blueberries, strawberries, and blackberries, with cold milk for breakfast. Occassionally, I had the turkey bacon, eggs, and baked beans with my morning tea or coffee and toasted whole wheat brown bread. Around ten in the mornings I had a glass of ice cold water and for lunch I mostly had fruits like bananas, apples, oranges, pineapples, mangoes, and grapes. I also enjoyed vegetables like red, green, yellow, and orange peppers, thrown into the mix. I started enjoying asparagus broccolli, cauliflower, spinach, lettuce, cabbage, peas, colored greens, string beans, and yes grapes with my salad too.

Most evenings I started taking sweet potatoes, butternut squash, with salmon or tilapia for dinner. Furthermore I reduced the portions greatly. I was being pragmatic and extra careful with what I put into my own mouth. I was taking responsibility for my own health and not blaming it on the food because food is meant to nourish us and not harm us. On top of eating right I started walking regularly everyday. I spent an hour walking and sometimes more an hour and half. I walked at least 4-5 miles. I also changed one habit which I know is detrimental to anyone’s health and probably one of my worst downfalls, that is my sleeping habits. I used to stay up until two or three in the morning watching television but I changed all that. I started going to bed after eleven everynight and would be up by seven or eight. I stopped taking midnight snacks but drank coldwater. In the mornings I walked before breakfast.

I have never been one to be reckless with my health despite what other people might think. In fact I have never been one to let someone or something else take control of my life. I have always known where I am and where I am going with my life. I have always had clear logical plans of my life and the managing of my cholestrol was no less important. As the cholestrol levels meant another pill that might be more harmful to my liver I was resolute in my decision. The nursing practitioner prescribed me some Zocor. Two days before starting it, on the news there were concerns about high dosages of Zocor and muscle damage. I almost did not take it, but I realized my primary care provider had prescribed me only an eighth of the harmful dosage so I took it. This time I was determined on reversing the cholestrol levels as soon as possible. I took it religiously for the next eight weeks while eating well and exercising daily.

Today is August 6, and about three hours ago my provider just called me with the best news in weeks. The first time she was called with the bad news I happened to be in Walmart those eight weeks ago and today again I happened to be in the same Walmart when she called with the good news. My cholestrol has dropped from 246 to 151 in the last eight weeks. Hooray to my self. I managed to resist most of the animal flesh thereby accumulation of animal fats in my body, which cause cholestrol in the human body. If I could do it so I honestly believe everyone else can do the same. When it threatens your health it threatens your livelihood. I have promised myself I will live to see my children have their own children. I am not going to deprive them of their mother whilst I am still able to do anything and everything I can to maintain my health. I am also not going to deprive myself of getting to know my grandbabies prematurely because of what could have been avoided. I want to live long enough to see all my five children have their own children. I am not going to take that for granted, but I am going to work towards achieving that goal.

To all who think it is the hand you have been dealt, at times it is the hand we deal ourselves! Let’s deal the hand well and make sure we live well and live happily!

  

Understanding the Computer

The time is 1.05 am. I am sitting in my son's apartment. My son lives in State College PA and I am in Toledo Ohio. The drive is almost 6 hours long. I am so tired and all I want to do is go to bed but I cant. I have to wait for Farai to come back so I can persuade him to do an antivirus clean up on my PC! I was last here in May and I wanted him to do the same unfortunately I forgot the PC cables so without power a PC does not work. All my efforts of loading the PC into my car were in vain and I had to take it back with all its viruses.

Today or should say yesterday before leaving I made sure I had all the cables and even strapped the CPU onto the back seat and fastened the seat belt securing it like a baby. I was excited because Farai would clean up all the viruses! This time around sure enough I forgot nothing, and no sooner was it plugged in and the damn thing would not turn on. Despite bringing all the cables, and making sure the CPU was nicely strapped to my back seat now once again the PC would not even turn on.

Farai now tells me it was the power supply. Who understands technology. Obviously others but not me.

If its not the cables, its the power shortage, or its simply having an attitude with me, what do I know?Why is it that I find such simple things the most difficult to do. Many times my son has told me I am technologically challenged...who would not feel challenged when a simple machine like a PC will not do as it is supposed to do unless it is challenging my intelligence or my patience? 

Farai has shown me more than a hundred times how to do a virus clean up but somehow it is above my understanding. Is it because it is difficult or I am just simply not interested, or is it generational thing? Whatever the reason all I know is the computer seems to be taking over the world. The world that was simple and trusting and obviously not challenging!

The computer has lessened the time of long hand writing, it has made communication easier through emails, instant messagings, video calls, no wonder post offices are losing businesses. The four operations are much easier and who needs to learn to add and subtract when the culculator is readily available on my PC!. Dating, cheating, studying, communication, numerating, literacy, language, what is it that you can think of and is not on the PC.

Life has definitely been easier since the turn of the century due to the computer era. Undenieably it has also complicated our lives because it seems to e taking over everything and people like me seem not to cope. Life has become complicated because we seem not to understand and anticipate all the problems that arise with the advent of the computer and technological era. People are creating the latest in technology, and everyday it seems to challenge and complicate our lives. I appreciate the way it has made communication with my family and friends all over the world accissible but I am confused why it continues to challenge us!  

MY GRAY HAIR CELEBRATION FOR LIFE

I LOOK AT MY IMAGE EVERY MORNING

I NEVER AM MORE PLEASED WITH WHAT I SEE ON HEAD

A BEAUTIFUL SPRINKLING OF MY SHINING GRAY HAIR

AND EVERY MORNING THEY ARE NOT SPRINKLINGS ANY MORE

BECAUSE MORE AND MORE OF MY HAIR IS BECOMING GRAY

THE MORE GRAY THE MORE REASON TO CELEBRATE MY LIFE

INSTEAD OF MAKING ME SAD THAT I AM AGING

IT BRINGS A SPARKLE OF JOY INTO MY EYE

FOR I SEE THAT I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD LIVE TO SEE

THE MATURITY OF MY YEARS REFLECTED ON MY HEAD

THE CELEBRATION OF YEARS THAT WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE

BUT SOMEHOW THROUGH STRENGTH HAVE COME TO BE

I WENT TO A BEAUTY SHOP FOUR YEARS AGO

ASKED FOR SOME DYE TO ACCENTUATE THE GRAYS OF MY HAIR

THE BEAUTY SHOP OWNER LAUGHED AT ME INSTEAD

AS THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME ANYONE WANTED TO APPEAR OLDER

FOR EVERYONE ELSE WANTS TO APPEAR YOUNGER

BUT I HAVE EVERY REASON TO CELEBRATE MY GRAY HAIR AND MY AGE

I LOOK AT MY GRAY HAIR AND I SMILE

IN MY GRAY I SEE MORE YEARS I HAVE BEEN GIVEN IN THIS LIFE

SEVEN YEARS AGO I ALMOST GAVE UP ON LIFE

NOW I HANG ON TO EACH PASSING DAY WITH PASSION

I HANG ON WITH EVERY REASON TO CELEBRATE MY GRAY HAIR

FOR EACH DAY I SEE A NEW GRAY THE MORE I APPRECIATE A LIFE THAT WAS ALMOST OVER BUT HAS NOW COME TO BE

THIS IS NOT BECAUSE I AM WISER NOR CLEVERER THAN THE REST

THIS IS BECAUSE I HAD A CARING COMMUNITY

MANY PEOPE RALLIED AROUND ME, MANY I HAD NEVER KNOWN

THEY MADE MY LIFE MORE SIMPLE AND EASIER TO BEAR 

THEY MADE SURE I HAD SOMEONE TO TALK TO

AVAILABLE WHEN I COULD NEVER REVEAL TO CLOSEST ONES

THAT I HAD A REAL LIFE THREATENING ILLNESS

NOW I LOOK BACK THOSE SEVEN YEARS

BECAUSE THEN I HAD NO GRAY HAIRS

NOW MY WHOLE HEAD IS ALMOST GRAY

IF I CANNOT SAY THANK YOU

TO YOU ALL WHO GAVE ME STRENGTH

TO YOU ALL WHO WALKED BY ME

THEN MY LIFE HAS BEEN FOR NOTHING!

I SEE ALL YOUR CARING FACES EACH DAY

AS I SEE MY GRAY HAIRS IN THE MIRROR EACH DAY

AND I THANK YOU ALL SILENTLY EACH DAY

FOR MY LIFE THAT HAS COME TO BE

TO US ALL LETS CELEBRATE EACH DAY

AS YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THAT DAY IS YOUR LAST DAY